I don’t mind being short, but sometimes it can be a hassle.

Since high school, I’ve measured about 5 feet, 2-1/2 inches tall (short), but one day within the last few years, I had a tall day!

I went to the doctor for some kind of checkup, and I must have eaten my Wheaties that morning, because the nurse measured me at 5 feet, 3 inches! I was so excited, and you can guess that my driver’s license says “503” for my height! Thank God they don’t print your weight on there.

I’ve generally enjoyed being short. I mean, I can’t change it, so why stress about it? Plus, I’m not that far from average.

According to a 2018 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average height for American women, age 20 and older, is 5 feet, 4 inches.

When I wear heels, I usually go for the 3-inch platform wedges, to make me a towering 5 feet, 6 inches (almost). (I never do spike heels — I don’t understand how anyone can walk in those sexy but evil things.)Even at that height, I feel odd. I’m used to being shorter.

I’ve compiled some pros and cons of having less-than-average stature.

First, let’s talk pros.

1. As a short female, I had the luxury of feeling comfortable dating any guy who fit the bill, no matter whether he was 5’6″ or 6’5″. I landed somewhere in the middle, as my husband is about 5’11”. But, I’ve often wondered if it’s hard being a tall woman, too. I would hate everyone asking me if I played basketball just because I was tall. For the record, I suck at basketball. Like, bad.

2. I like that most people can’t look up my nose.

3. I never have to duck in doorways.

4. I can reach the floor pretty easily.

5. If I fall, there’s a shorter distance between me and the ground, so … science.

Now, what about those cons?

1. Grocery store shelves! I can’t stress this enough — going to the grocery store alone at 5’3” can be a struggle. For instance, I recently had to use my ingenuity in the toilet paper aisle, which luckily has brooms in it, too. I wanted the last pack of toilet paper that was on sale, but it was way to the back of the shelf. I was alone in the aisle, so no tall strangers around to pester. I thought fast, and there was the broom. I grabbed it to snag and pull the toilet paper nearer to the front so I could finally reach it. And I put the broom back.

On another recent trip to the store, I wanted the 12-pack of lime-flavored sparkling water, but the last ones were way back on the top shelf. So, I stepped up on the bottom shelf and got “caught” by an employee, who laughed and said she wouldn’t tell on me. She was about my same height, so she gets it.

A few days ago at the dollar store, I was seeking out a stainless steel medium all-metal slotted spoon. All I could find were dumb plastic ones, or metal ones with plastic handles, which can melt, so no thank you. Then I looked up, and there she was. The spoon of my dreams! She was beckoning to me from on high, about 7 feet up the wall. But I was determined. I grabbed a long plastic spoon, got on my tippy toes, and stretched to reach the back of the spoon with the long spoon in my hand, to shimmy and swing the desired spoon so that it would drop into my eager arms. And so it did. But not before an audience had gathered near me. Well, an audience of one stupified fellow customer who probably just couldn’t look away. Perhaps she was rooting for me, or just making sure the metal spoon didn’t conk me on the head. At any rate, I got my spoon, and she got her 30 seconds of entertainment.

2. Oh yeah, we’re still doing a list. On that note, movie theaters! Plays! Any event in which people sit in front of you. Need I say more?

3. Weighing the same as someone 5 inches taller than you. So, we eat the same amount, and I round out and they still look skinny? No fair!

4. Not being able to reach the string on the ceiling fan. I mean, why is it so short? To mock me? Are we short people not allowed to cool off on a hot day? I literally have to stand on my coffee table in the living room to reach mine. But I do it every day. You just adjust.

5. Walking next to people taller than you. Their stride is twice as long as mine! I guess I’m getting more steps in, but I’m also exerting a heck of a lot more effort. I frequently have to ask my husband to slow down or wait up when we go for a walk.

It’s really not all bad, and I know there are far worse things in this world than just being a bit short. Now, if I could add the “sweet,” we might be onto something.

You can find Darby Hinkley in the toilet paper aisle at your local supermarket, likely trapped under a pile of super mega rolls that avalanched onto her.

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